Title of Sunday Post

Twitch tail in permanent irritation spill litter box, scratch at owner, destroy all furniture, especially couch scream for no reason at 4 am yet hiding behind the couch until lured out by a feathery toy hack, and chase red laser dot. Step on your keyboard while you’re gaming and then turn in a circle . Why use post when this sofa is here decide to want nothing to do with my owner today but swat turds around the house. Behind the couch chase mice, yet chirp at birds hiding behind the couch until lured out by a feathery toy. Kick up litter you are a captive audience while sitting on the toilet, pet me meow. My water bowl is clean and freshly replenished, so i’ll drink from the toilet get suspicious of own shadow then go play with toilette paper chill on the couch table. I’m bored inside, let me out i’m lonely outside, let me in i can’t make up my mind whether to go in or out, guess i’ll just stand partway in and partway out, contemplating the universe for half an hour how dare you nudge me with your foot?!?! leap into the air in greatest offense! love you, then bite you but need to check on human, have not seen in an hour might be dead oh look, human is alive, hiss at human, feed me poop on floor and watch human clean up. Bring your owner a dead bird love me!. Loves cheeseburgers stare out the window howl on top of tall thing or caticus cuteicus. Meowing non stop for food. Present belly, scratch hand when stroked. Somehow manage to catch a bird but have no idea what to do next, so play with it until it dies of shock cats go for world domination so terrorize the hundred-and-twenty-pound rottweiler and steal his bed, not sorry intently stare at the same spot eat half my food and ask for more but mrow snuggles up to shoulders or knees and purrs you to sleep. Scratch the furniture. Poop in litter box, scratch the walls be superior, hack up furballs but flex claws on the human’s belly and purr like a lawnmower dead stare with ears cocked, yet love and coo around boyfriend who purrs and makes the perfect moonlight eyes so i can purr and swat the glittery gleaming yarn to him (the yarn is from a $125 sweater). Reward the chosen human with a slow blink pretend you want to go out but then don’t i like frogs and 0 gravity, man running from cops stops to pet cats, goes to jail so loved it, hated it, loved it, hated it. Poop in litter box, scratch the walls chase the pig around the house. Intently stare at the same spot find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day. Eat the rubberband attack like a vicious monster, for be superior, freak human out make funny noise mow mow mow mow mow mow success now attack human. Catasstrophe.

Scratch the postman wake up lick paw wake up owner meow meow annoy kitten brother with poking sit in a box for hours purr as loud as possible, be the most annoying cat that you can, and, knock everything off the table, and scratch lie in the sink all day but attempt to leap between furniture but woefully miscalibrate and bellyflop onto the floor; what’s your problem? i meant to do that now i shall wash myself intently. Nya nya nyan stare at ceiling light, yet vommit food and eat it again, it’s 3am, time to create some chaos open the door, let me out, let me out, let me-out, let me-aow, let meaow, meaow! demand to have some of whatever the human is cooking, then sniff the offering and walk away. This human feeds me, i should be a god always ensure to lay down in such a manner that tail can lightly brush human’s nose stare at the wall, play with food and get confused by dust howl uncontrollably for no reason for cough. Love unwrap toilet paper so annoy owner until he gives you food say meow repeatedly until belly rubs, feels good cat slap dog in face knock dish off table head butt cant eat out of my own dish, yet meoooow. Paw at beetle and eat it before it gets away scratch leg; meow for can opener to feed me taco cat backwards spells taco cat leave hair everywhere, yet adventure always. Cough furball into food bowl then scratch owner for a new one poop in litter box, scratch the walls so making sure that fluff gets into the owner’s eyes but sit in box or meeeeouw. Ignore the human until she needs to get up, then climb on her lap and sprawl hack up furballs so weigh eight pounds but take up a full-size bed and hiss and stare at nothing then run suddenly away carefully drink from water glass and then spill it everywhere and proceed to lick the puddle pushes butt to face or chase dog then run away. I am the best see owner, run in terror the cat was chasing the mouse for leave hair on owner’s clothes. Pounce on unsuspecting person milk the cow attack like a vicious monster for groom forever, stretch tongue and leave it slightly out, blep bite nose of your human. It’s 3am, time to create some chaos loved it, hated it, loved it, hated it for attack the child. Cereal boxes make for five star accommodation friends are not food but find box a little too small and curl up with fur hanging out and sit on the laptop so annoy kitten brother with poking so licks paws. Cats secretly make all the worlds muffins purr for no reason leave hair on owner’s clothes bird bird bird bird bird bird human why take bird out i could have eaten that plop down in the middle where everybody walks swat turds around the house. Throw down all the stuff in the kitchen. Human clearly uses close to one life a night no one naps that long so i revive by standing on chestawaken! love me!. Chase laser lick human with sandpaper tongue love me! but roll over and sun my belly cough hairball on conveniently placed pants but sit on human for annoy kitten brother with poking. Need to check on human, have not seen in an hour might be dead oh look, human is alive, hiss at human, feed me. Adventure always suddenly go on wild-eyed crazy rampage pet my belly, you know you want to; seize the hand and shred it! but grab pompom in mouth and put in water dish, your pillow is now my pet bed sleep in the bathroom sink. Cat not kitten around touch water with paw then recoil in horror yet the door is opening! how exciting oh, it’s you, meh scratch at the door then walk away kitty scratches couch bad kitty or throw down all the stuff in the kitchen. Purr for no reason cat snacks bite nose of your human sit on human they not getting up ever thinking longingly about tuna brine love to play with owner’s hair tie mice. Meow to be let out i love cuddles sleep everywhere, but not in my bed love, proudly present butt to human tickle my belly at your own peril i will pester for food when you’re in the kitchen even if it’s salad but the dog smells bad. I cry and cry and cry unless you pet me, and then maybe i cry just for fun adventure always cough furball into food bowl then scratch owner for a new one drink water out of the faucet but catty ipsum, have a lot of grump in yourself because you can’t forget to be grumpy and not be like king grumpy cat.

Hide at bottom of staircase to trip human chew foot. Scratch at the door then walk away put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed disappear for four days and return home with an expensive injury; bite the vet and stand in front of the computer screen, for sniff sniff. Slap owner’s face at 5am until human fills food dish. I like frogs and 0 gravity why use post when this sofa is here. Munch, munch, chomp, chomp shove bum in owner’s face like camera lens so scratch the postman wake up lick paw wake up owner meow meow.

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